Why Do I Sacrifice the Things That Make Me Feel Good for the Things That Don’t?
This is the essay I didn’t want to write. But the thing I warned myself about happening—a relaxed week becoming the norm—is dangerously close to happening, and I have to stop it now.
I have a short list of weekly non-negotiables. I exercise, I play guitar, and I complete my evening routine. They are non-negotiables because they keep me mentally and physically healthy and on track, and I’m dangerously close to entering a three-day streak of not honoring them.
Monday, I did not exercise or play guitar. I let a major setback in an important project consume my attention. Instead of exercising and/or playing guitar to relieve stress, I overanalyzed the problem and created additional stress. I allowed the problem to consume my time, attention, and energy, and I even let it impact my sleep.
It’s Tuesday after work. I’m tired. The problem is still on my mind, and I have no desire or energy to exercise or play guitar. I want to put them off and do them tomorrow, but I just remembered I planned a get-together with family tomorrow after work, leaving no time for exercise or guitar. Three-day streak, here I come.
When times like this happen (and they happen fairly frequently), I try to follow a principle I adopted from James Clear, author of Atomic Habits: stick to the schedule, but reduce the scope. So tonight’s activities become: a quick, simple meal prep, start writing this essay, play guitar for 20 minutes before dinner, go to the gym and complete a condensed version of my usual resistance workout, and complete my evening routine. All I really need is to signal to myself that I maintained my commitment—I followed through on what I said was important.
The flip side of this is that not doing this creates tension. I’d feel pressured to exercise or play guitar every day for the remainder of the week, allowing no flexibility for unexpected events. In short, I’d feel bad. And there’s also an element of self-trust involved. Following through builds trust; not following through diminishes it. Sometimes, even a 5-minute version is all it takes to maintain that trust.
A deeper question, one I don’t have an answer for, is why the things I know are important are the first things I try to eliminate. Playing guitar and working out make me feel good. Thinking about my problems makes me feel bad. Why not eliminate thinking about my problems? I almost always look back at them and realize the thing I feared never happened. Conversely, the only workouts or guitar practices I ever regret are the ones I don’t complete.